Every since my blog was wee, there has been a person. A fellow blogger, who shall not be named, but whom I wanted to follow my blog from the moment I knew of theirs. I dreamed of having this person being a loyal commenter on mine, and I did everything I could to get that follow, those comments, my stamps of approval from this beautiful blogger.
I would see this person comment on everybody else's post, link everybody else's blogs in their posts, but never mine. And it dragged me down.
I began to think my blog wasn't good enough. Like I had to change something about my blog, which is a piece of myself, to be better. I tried and tried and left all the links you could but the follow still didn't happen.
That person still doesn't follow me. But I am beginning to realize that's okay. My blog is wonderful, and you guys are wonderful. I became so obsessed with this person's follow that I never stopped to think about the followers that I already have. I'm so sorry for that, for thinking that this blogger's follow meant more than you guys' did. Because it doesn't.
I want to know that I do this blog for myself. The blogger-who-shall-not-be-named ;) doesn't want to follow me, and that's okay. I want to have only followers who really wanted to follow me because of me.
I'm still slowly getting over not having a follow from this person, but I still get small prickles of envy when I see a comment from their's on somebody else's blog. I'm not perfect {obviously}, and I'm still working on it. But everyday it means a little less and less.
*a small lovely little disclaimer: if you have guessed who this might be, please leave it to yourself. I left the person nameless because it doesn't matter who they are, it matters that I thought I needed approval from anybody. I don't want to make this person feel guilty or have any feelings that aren't GOOD. This person is so lovely, has a beautiful look on life and a positive attitude, and I still enjoy their blog posts OH SO MUCH. This blogger did nothing on purpose to make me feel this way about their follow, I did it honestly to myself . But I'm just slowly making myself not need their approval anymore. If I need the approval of any other blogger to make me feel better about my blog, I'm not going anywhere. *
I hate the idea that somebody, anybody would feel the angst that I did over getting this persons follow about me and mine. If I do not follow your blog and you would like me to, please leave a link in the comments and I would be more than happy to. :)
Oh, Madeline, you don't know how much I can relate to this.
ReplyDeleteThere is one blogger (who shall not be named) who I looked up to for ages - I badly wanted them to take even a little notice of my blog. I wanted them to say something nice about my design, or my writing. But they never did. They did comment on my blog, once or twice (with me commenting on their blog a thousand times or so), but not to say something nice about me, or what I have done.
So, I know exactly how you felt/are feeling.
And I want to thank you - for being a wonderful follower and comment-er. You have always been so good to me, and, I look up to you. :) I love your writing and your blog.
Same here Tane. I just want to tell you both that your blogs are absolutely amazing and I wouldn't' change a thing about them. You are both such amazing people. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, exactly my thoughts as well :P There are so many amazing, inspirational bloggers out there that it is hard to be yourself sometimes... but we all have to keep looking up :) I feel like you follow my blog but I'm not sure.... heres the link just in case: http://castleintheair-inspired.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeletexxLizzie
Thank you everybody for all your nice and supportive comments. :) I was a bit worried publishing this, thinking that maybe people would think it was a bash-post. It's not, and I'm glad you guys realize that. Love y'all <3
ReplyDelete:( I can relate to this tons! I sometimes get a slight tinge of anger whenever I see someone whose only been blogging for several months have tons of followers, whereas it took me MONTHS to get how many followers they had. But you know what? If they won't look and follow our blogs, so what? There are many other people who have followed and love your blog, and most importantly, YOU love your blog. ((I actually can't believe it took me THIS LONG to find your blog. THIIIIIISSSSS LOOOONNNNGGG.)) And that's what matters. <3 I hope you feel better soon! *huggles*
ReplyDeletexoxo Morning
http://theworldthroughmywindowsill.blogspot.com
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ReplyDeleteOh how relatable. Wonderful post. It sucks, when you want someone to do something for you but they leave you disappointed. But I think I can optimistically say that the moment when you stop comparing yourself to someone else is the moment when you grow a little :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I love posts like these. It's your blog so you can write whatever is in your head, that's the best part ^_^
I know that probably a lot of bloggers feel that way, and I have myself when I was first starting to blog, but it wasn't as important for me. I found other blogs that continued to inspire me and make me happy, and I think that's the thing you've gotta always remember: blogging is to make you happy and to interact with other bloggers out there that might share the same interests as you, not a competition AGAINST other bloggers, or a fight for popularity. ^-^
ReplyDeleteLove,
~Jenny
I totally get you!
ReplyDelete